Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
