You smell like a Billy Joel song
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
