I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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