He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize