I must be too annoying 4 u.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
