I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
