these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
