pedialite and red bull = repair kit
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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