My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You are the jesus of drinking
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
