dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
