guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
