It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize