Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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