As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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