2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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