i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
