Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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