After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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