I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
