Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Randomize
