I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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