im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
