I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize