I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
