you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
