i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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