gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
