i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
