yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
