remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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