shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
