Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Will you blow on my dice?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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