i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
