why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
