I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
