My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
