It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
