I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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