Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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