I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
