You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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