You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
