dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
