I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
