UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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