i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
