No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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