No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
