I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
