I feel great
I just peed on a car
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize