You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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