Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
