I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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