We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
