I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
