You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
