I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize