I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
