all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
