dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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