So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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