whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
