OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
