I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize