I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
