Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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