Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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