you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we're so committed to being not committed
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