I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
