Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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