Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
