Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Floor bacon is actually really good
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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