guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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