i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a search helicopter?!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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