Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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