look no pants
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
