I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
