oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
