You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
