god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
