i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i will never coherently bang her
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
